Thursday, February 1, 2018

Valentine's Day Is Not Enjoyable For Most Men

I'm time for my annual reminder, so I'm bumping this up.

Ladies, if you have a man in your life with whom you will be celebrating Valentine's Day, he will probably never admit this to you, but chances are he hates Valentine's Day. He will never admit it to you because you seem to enjoy it and he doesn't want to rain on your parade.

There are many reasons why most men do not enjoy Valentine's Day.

Men tend to be practical when it comes to money. You expect him to blow money on overpriced chocolates, flowers, jewelry, gifts, dinners in crowded restaurants, hotel rooms, etc. Chocolates? They'll be gone soon, and frankly, most American women don't need the extra calories. That's a fact, since 2/3rds are overweight and half of those are obese. Flowers? They'll be dried and withered soon.

Men stress out looking for the right cards, the right gifts (you know how men are about Christmas shopping, right?), making the right reservations, because some of you punish your man if he doesn't magically read your mind and do exactly the right thing.

Sure, some women buy their man a gift, too. But if he is the breadwinner, isn't that really spending his money anyway? And let's be honest – Valentine's Day is really about women, and there's no equivalent for men. Maybe Superbowl Sunday, but unless you make your man killer munchies that day, you're not doing a lot of planning and buying gifts and cards for him, are you?

Now, shouldn't your man enjoy bringing you the pleasure of being fussed over and reminding you that he loves you? Yes. But do you reciprocate? If you point to sex as the reciprocation, this implies that you don't also enjoy sex. In which case something is very wrong. Otherwise, sex is a mutual exchange. (If you're not married, you shouldn't be fornicating anyway.)

Men show they love their woman year-round by paying the bills, by protecting her, and by doing many other things, often including lifting heavy objects, opening things, reaching for things, removing scary things, doing fix-its on the home and vehicles. Do you show your love for him by respecting him, keeping yourself together, keeping his stomach full, making love to him as often as he wants it without dropping things he enjoys off of the menu, being a smart shopper, and doing domestic chores (if he is the breadwinner)? These things may not be important to you, but they are likely important to him.

A happily married man can enjoy Valentine's Day because his wife shows genuine appreciation for his efforts to celebrate their love, and he likes to see her happy. However, statistics show that such men are outnumbered by either unmarried men (who don't have a girlfriend, or have one pressuring him for marriage when he isn't ready or doesn't want to even marry) or married men who are unhappy, and those men are lot less likely to enjoy Valentine's Day, and even happily married men might not like the obligation to do this on February 14, when your love should be celebrated each and every day.

(As a side note - there are some single men who enjoy the day because they can find desperate women who are easy scores in the bars. )

So if he makes a big deal about Valentine's Day, don't make him regret it. He's doing it for you.

(There are unfeminine women reading this scoffing that anyone still believes in gender roles. I guarantee you they are not making any man's Valentine's Day enjoyable. Remember I'm talking about generalities here. You can always find some people who are abnormal for their sex, and there are the scoffers who try to deny any real difference between the sexes or who will claim there are more than two sexes, or that I should use the term "gender" and that gender is something someone can change or may be different than outside appearances... blah blah blah. We're dealing here with generalities and NORMAL people. Men tend to have penises and are masculine, women tend to have vaginas and are feminine. That any given visitor is a butchy female or has some effeminate husband is her problem, not mine. I'm not writing to the niche or freakish, I'm writing to the general population. )

UPDATE from 2012

11 comments:

  1. First of all, my husband, who can bench 300 lbs easily with multiple sclerosis (in case you'd like to accuse him of being unmasculine or something silly), is the one who wants to do all that lovey dovey Valentine's stuff. I don't like it at all. I participate, sometimes, to please him.

    Also, if you're married, the money your husband earns is community property, which makes it your money, too! Marriage, how does it work? Playful Walrus doesn't know!

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    1. Your husband could very well want to do all of that more than you. "Most" does not mean "all".

      I'm well aware of community property. You can't take water out of just one side of the bucket.

      Delete
    2. "Sure, some women buy their man a gift, too. But if he is the breadwinner, isn't that really spending his money anyway?"

      I don't see how this balances with the idea of community property. If a particular marriage is structured such that the husband works outside the home and receives a paycheck where the wife does not, what does it take to make her enough of a partner in the marriage to where they can both say "This is our money" instead of "This is his money"? Or should she go find a job and keep their accounts completely separate (This one is yours, this one is mine, and never the twain shall meet) and if so, doesn't that make the marriage more of a business contract than a loving team effort? (I'm picturing the scene from The Joy Luck Club where the husband and wife are discussing which groceries should be considered communal, where each pays half, and whether he should pay the complete cost of his shaving cream or she should do the same for her Haagen Daz.)

      Delete
    3. Let's grant that morally as well as legally, it is their money. That still makes it his money, and he is part of "their". Made-gifts or some sort of activity is better than store bought for these things.

      Delete
  2. I don't buy my husband of 12 years a Valentine's gift. I request that he not buy me one. I think Valentine's day is stupid. We are both bread winners. We are both practical. We both hate shopping. When you are done stereotyping women as what YOU think they should be and feel and every other preconceived bit of BS you can come up with, why don't you ask them. All women are not the same, we are not "the Borg." We all have different dreams, ambitions, goals, likes and dislikes just as men do. Just as men like to be individuals, so do women. See, we really aren't that much different, you just insist on making us different.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How was I stereotyping women? Please show me. Quote it. Where did I say that all women are the same?

      Delete
  3. Both my husband and my father are hopeless romantics who ADORE Valentine's Day and like coming up with sweet surprises. My mother and I are the ones stressing out about getting our husbands good enough gifts (with the money, by the way, that WE earn), rolling our eyes at the stores full of pink chocolate hearts, and in general just kind of wishing we could opt out of the whole ordeal.

    In fact, just based on the conversations I've had this month with the coupled in my social circle... most of the couples I know break down in exactly the opposite way than you describe, with the men getting excited about a chance to be sweet and romantic, and the women feeling kinda uncomfortable about the whole thing.

    Just putting that out there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was speaking in generalities, hence the "most". You probably know people like you. There can be a social circle where the men are sincerely as you describe. But I do know that some... SOME.... (note: NOT ALL) men are good at putting on a show and hiding their true feelings about the whole thing, because they have been told, taught, or experienced pressure indicating that's what they'd better do unless they want some sort of punishment.

      Delete
  4. Women may not admit to this, but there are quite a few that want to make 'love' (Hallmark definition, not the spirit-lifting definition) and Valentine's day a competition. THAT is when it becomes distasteful for men, kinda like when the S.O. wants the big bouquet of flowers because the girl from across the hall got one from her S.O.

    There's no male equivalent to that, or at least none that I know of.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Valentine's day is about couples. Its about love between two people. My husband and I enjoy it, but we enjoy every day of the year and don't wait for the calendar to tell us we should pay attention to one another.

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  6. My husband and I don't celebrate Valentines day, or Easter, Halloween, Christmas, etc. They originate from pagans, and if we celebrated everything, that would be too expensive. No thanks.

    ReplyDelete

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